Oh the Gall

I’m going to pause and press rewind. I’m going to rewind to the first month I was in my car accident. Remember when I wrote how my back went into constant spasms? When I felt like bricks were being stacked on the middle of my back, making it hard to breathe? Or where I had Brandon dig as hard as he could into my back to try and get relief? And the blog post where I talked about my anxiety and getting counseling and doing numerous writing exercises to bring down my anxiety? The year I was extremely ill, where I felt I was dying? Well, it appears the gallstone that was initially discovered in the emergency when I was extremely ill, played a crucial part.

Being newer to the island and starting a new relationship with a church, we had been approached by a seemingly nice couple that said they really wanted to connect our families and do life together. How beautiful is that? I tried to connect with the wife but struggled a bit with her reserved nature and thought with only time, her walls would come down and we’d become close friends. They’d often ask about my health and asked how they could pray for me. I appreciated the care and extra prayers.

When I landed in the emergency, the husband of the reserved friend, was working. He ran tests and such, but came up with nothing. So when the next time I landed in the emergency, he assured me that he was going to get a doctor friend to take care of me, which was who found my 14mm gallstone at the time. This doctor seemed so sure that my pain medication had caused my episodes ( which we knew didn’t because it had been weeks since I’d had any) But the treatment, or shall I say the lack of treatment was what came about.

There have been many weird symptoms that I’ve experienced over the years and I always try to be logical and wait on it to resolve. The blood had drained out of my hand again, leaving it temporarily immobilized and floppy during the night…. Ugh, I hated this when it happened. But to my surprise, when I woke up, this time my whole arm was swollen and this little lump spot was on my arm. I thought, “Okay, no need to panic. I’m likely seeing it swollen but it’s my arm and body, nobody else will notice. Carry on.” I grabbed my toast out of the toaster and one of my girls asked me what was the matter with my arm…uh oh. I decided to call my physiotherapist’s office to see if I could ask if it could be due to an exercise or his opinion, but he was busy and unavailable. I called my doctors office but there were no appointments. The nurse asked what I was needing and I explained my swollen arm and she told me that I needed to get to emergency.

My mind at this point was trying to reign it in and not go to worse case scenario, but I struggled hard. One of my best friends that year, had multiple strokes from a blood clot, leaving partial paralysis on one side of her body. I had been in the emergency with her through some of the most devastating, scary parts and I was concerned not only about my swollen arm, but this little lump that now occurred on my body.

Brandon graciously drove me to the emergency and our doctor friend was working and got me in right away! Hallelujah! I explained everything, showed my arm, and sheepishly apologized if I was wasting his time incase this was all for nothing. He explained this measuring thing and some tools that he would need, and left the room, but when he came back he didn’t have anything in tow with him. He then, explained something else and left and came back again with nothing, once again. I felt it and knew in my gut, as I had experienced biased treatment or lack thereof of treatments in the past. I knew that this is what I was up against, yet again. I got brave and as he stood across from me I said, “Shoot it to me straight and tell me what your thoughts are.” He told me that he didn’t know me very well but felt that my stuff was due to psychological and spiritual issues. He went and explained somatic stuff in the medical world.

I went to grab my purse and put my jacket on and then he said, “You need to stop this stuff. Stop the Naturopaths. Stop these injections. Stop chasing stuff. You’ve got psychological and spiritual issues.” But it didn’t end there. He went on to say that I needed to see a counselor. In which I replied and said I have been for the past year. He then said, “But they probably aren’t Christian.” In which I replied, “Yes, he is.” He then said that I needed to see a Psychologist, in which I replied that I had already. He then said, “But they probably weren’t Christian.” In which I replied, “Yes, she is.”

I explained my endometriosis and medication issues which is when he replied, “Oh well, I don’t know you very well and said those things just incase.”

I felt like I had been thrown into this fraudulent scheme of friendship. Asked about my health in supposed concern, when it was ultimately looked at in judgment with a ‘holier than thou’ attitude. There was a lot more that transpired from this horrible situation, but in the name of health, I’m going to leave this situation there. However, I will say this, if you are acting and being a trusted friend while someone you know is going through the hard….please check your heart. We who suffer, do not need these inquiring gossips that only ask for their own judgmental hot topics, it cruel. It’s pure hurtful evil. Especially for someone that struggles with trust, that was a very low blow. And using the name of God and prayer in the midst, gives a very sour taste and bad reputation.

If this doctor would’ve done his job properly in the initial moment, during the early times of my extremely sick bouts and investigated it properly….he would’ve for sure known my symptoms were from a bad gallbladder that wasn’t working properly. I was having non stop gallbladder attacks….daily, for years and didn’t know it! And I still wouldn’t figure this out for another few more years. Just a whole lot of suffering.